


Sing For Me

by AngelsFallFirst



Category: Nightwish
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-07-27 22:42:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20053729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelsFallFirst/pseuds/AngelsFallFirst
Summary: Tuomas had been teaching Biology and English for such a long time already. He had never been happy with his job and decided to quit, as he discovered what had happened to his colleague.But on the very day he wants to quit, his boss announces a new colleague, a substitute, until they would get a real music teacher.She's not a teacher, she's a vocal coach and singer.And Tuomas decides to stay.





	1. The new colleague

Tuomas had enough.  
With shaking hands he put the letter of resignation into the envelope.  
He couldn't go on like that, the unhappiness, the bullying, the bad payment.  
No, Tuomas would find a new job. A better school. Soon was summer and during the holidays he would excessively look for work.  
Oh, Mari ...  
Tuomas felt how his heart became heavy. Mari. His favourite colleague and somehow also his best friend had taken her life because of this hell.  
Last Friday, after the big fight with her class. Tuomas had tried to call her the whole weekend long, he needed to tell her that her students had no idea what they were talking about. Soon they'd be out of school anyway, just one more year! He wanted to pay her a drink ... and maybe kiss her. He knew that she had a secret crush on him, which feelings he sadly hadn't returned. But now he cursed himself. If he had only called her earlier that day, he could have saved her life.  
On Monday she hadn't come. And after school the police had asked the teachers to stay.  
Mari's body had been found on Saturday, by her neighbour. Her dog hadn't stopped barking, so her neighbour had used the second key for Mari's flat.  
Poor Polli was living with Tuomas now and he knew she was missing Mari just as much as him.  
The police men had asked him questions, since he had known the most about her.  
_\- Did she have a boyfriend?_  
_\- No, officer._  
_\- Can you be sure about that__?_  
_\- Yes. She was ... she liked me._  
_\- Do you think she could have committed suicide because of those feelings?_  
_\- What!? No! I don't think so ... I mean, I hope. I wouldn't survive if she had killed herself because of me ... Wait. No, wait. Ask her students about her, they hated her! I picked her up in the morning every day and every morning she cried. She was scared of going to school. She said names but I want them to tell you on their own._  
_\- You want to tell us that her students have been bullying her?_  
_\- Yes, officer. Pretty hard even. Ask them. And she was scared of saying something to the principal cause he's a mean man. Really._  
_\- Thank you, Mr Holopainen. _  
Tuomas could go on like that. His friend had ended her life ... just because of this school. The students. The headmaster.  
After sealing the letter, he put on his shoes.  
"Polli," he called, "c'mon, let's go!"  
Polli was a ten year old white shepherd. She had belonged to Mari's mother before she had died - and now she belonged to him.  
Her eyes were big and sad, just as if she knew exactly what had happened.  
Well, of course she did. She had witnessed how her mistress had...  
"Oh, dear," Tuomas whispered and stroke the head of the big dog. "I know. I miss her too."

After taking a long walk, Tuomas went to bed. Tomorrow he would quit. Almost a week had passed since he had seen Mari run out of the classroom, crying. Damn it, why hadn't he just followed her?  
Tomorrow was Friday. Tomorrow he would end this hell, for Mari's sake.

In the morning he brought Polli to his neighbour, an old lady called Paula Korhonen, who was alone and loved dogs. She was glad to look after Polli while Tuomas was at school.  
"Will I be able to see her during the summer holidays?" Paula asked.  
"Sure," Tuomas said. "I can see she likes you."  
"She belongs to that teacher?" Paula asked on. "Your girlfriend, right?"  
"She wasn't my girlfriend, she was my colleague," Tuomas said quietly. Why did his heart ache, every time someone asked him about their relationship?  
Tuomas was scared, maybe he had loved Mari back but hadn't known. Now it was too late ...  
"Why is she with you now? Where is your colleague?"  
"She ..." Tuomas looked at Polli, who had placed her head on her paws and looked at Tuomas with big eyes. "She killed herself."  
Polli whimpered and looked away.  
"Oh ... wow. That's so sad." Paula obviously didn't know what to say, so Tuomas shook his head.  
"The funeral is tomorrow. You can come if you want to, I'd like to take Polli along. She needs so say goodbye."  
One last caress for Polli and Tuomas left. He wiped his tears away while walking to the car.  
_Did __I__ love her? Why else would it __hurt__ like __that__? But __I've__ never felt like this when she __was__ around ... I __don't_ _think_ _I__ loved her. I just miss her a lot ... __it's_ _only__ been a week. It will get better._  
The first day after he had known about Mari's death, he had automatically driven into Mari's street. Now his heart ached every time he drove past the street, reminding himself not to drive in there. At the first day he had actually forgotten about his friend's death ...

Before he entered the building, the devil's cave, he took the envelope from the passenger's seat. He didn't know when he should give the letter to his boss, right now? Before he went home? Tuomas assumed the latter. Of course he knew he had to stay until the school year ended but after those two months he would be free.  
He thought.  
The second he entered, the principal caught him.  
"Tuomas! You don't have a lesson yet, right?"  
"No, Hakan," Tuomas answered. "Good morning."  
"Oh, yes, good morning. I have a task for you."  
Tuomas sighed. "Sure, Hakan. What can I do for you?"  
The headmaster stepped aside - and revealed a woman.  
A beautiful woman, a gorgeous beauty, that left Tuomas speechless immediately.  
She hand long and deep black hair, an edgy face and bright eyes. She wore a shy smile, an elegant black suit and black high heels. She was simply breathraking.  
"This is Tarja," Hakan said, his voice sounding in Tuomas' ears as if he was miles away. "She's going to be Mari's substitute until we've found a teacher for them."  
"Poor her," Tuomas mumbled.  
"What?" Hakan asked loudly and Tuomas winced.  
"I said why 'until you've found a teacher'?"  
"Tarja is technically not a teacher. She gives vocal and piano lessons and she's only going to take Mari's music courses. We still need to find someone for Maths."  
Tuomas simply nodded again. He couldn't move his eyes away from Tarja ...  
"Could you show her a bit around? I have an appointment now."  
"Sure," Tuomas said, surprised about how willingly he accepted Mari's replacement.  
"Thank you," Hakan said and walked away.  
They waited until he was gone, then Tarja spoke up.  
"Glad he's not the one to show me around. Is he always such a cold stone wall?"  
Tuomas had to smile. "He really is."  
"Usch. When I asked what happened to Miss Laukkanen, he said he _thinks _that she jumped from the balcony."  
"Mari lived on the ground floor," Tuomas said lowly. "She took pills. All her antidepressants together with sleeping pills, painkiller and vodka. She had no chance to survive."  
"Oh my god," Tarja said quietly. "Were you two ... together?"  
"No," Tuomas said. "Not really. There was chemistry but... I don't know. It's too late anyway."  
"I'm sorry. I didn't want to force you into talking about her," Tarja said. "Tell me about this school!"  
Tuomas laughed bitterly. "It's like hell. The students are all problem students and hate their teachers. They bullied Mari into suicide. You chose an impossible job."  
"Hm," Tarja said and smiled softly. "I don't know why but I think they won't do this with me."  
"You're sure? No offence but Mari was also pretty."  
Tarja lifted her eyebrows at him. And then smiled again. "That's not what I meant. Bring me to my class later and let's see."  
"Okay, I will," Tuomas said. He was confused. Did she maybe know what kind of reaction she had on men?  
If he wasn't the only one reacting like that, because, in his eyes, this woman was shining with beauty. He hated himself for his thoughts in the morning, that he had thought he had loved Mari, his friend. He had never seen her like he saw Tarja, and that made him hate himself even more. Because the pain of having lost his friend had almost vanished.  
Tarja had to be an angel. He wanted to touch her but knew he wasn't good enough to do so.   
"What else do I need to know?" Tarja asked, making him return to the present. "Is this a special kind of school? Because I've been to schools already and I know how it works, so ..."  
"It's a school for socially ... poor people. Teenage criminals, former drug addicts, rape victims and so on."  
"Sounds funny," Tarja said and frowned. "Maybe it could be hard for me, then. I'm not a educator nor social worker. I sing and play piano and I teach kids how to do the same ... that's all."  
"You teach kids?" Tuomas asked. "Which age?"  
"Every age from six to eighteen," Tarja said. "I also have a few older students, thirty plus, but the sooner they start taking lessons, the better. Of course." Tarja looked at her new colleague. "What if they bully me too?"  
"What happened to the self assured Tarja from before?" Tuomas teased. It was so easy to talk to her ... "But if they really do something that's not right, tell Hakan immediately. He can't force you to stay, since you're not an educator, as you already said. Well then ... I'll show you the teacher's room."

Said, done. Tuomas led her to the room where the teachers spent their breaks and introduced her to the other teachers.  
Almost immediately the mood changed.  
His colleagues had been talking until they had come in, but suddenly it was quiet.  
"Is he stupid?" Tuomas could hear Anna whisper. "Hakan! After what happened to Mari he takes in another young and delicate woman? She won't survive this horror class."  
Tarja looked away.  
"Anna," Tuomas said loudly. "Let's not compare her to Mari. I think she can do it."  
"Seriously, Tuomas?" Aino said lowly. "You know what Mari felt for you ... and you just betray her like that?"  
"Hakan asked me to show her around, Aino," Tuomas said calmly. "I would never forget Mari, let alone stop loving her. Yes, I loved her - not like she loved me but I loved her like a friend. And I ... I can't sleep anymore since she's been gone. You gave no idea how I feel. Only because I don't run around crying like a baby." Tuomas took a deep breath. "I miss her, okay? I would never betray her. I'm just being nice, so shut up."  
Angrily he turned around and left the teachers room, walking towards the toilets.  
After a while of walking he noticed that someone was behind him and so he stopped and sighed. "Aino?" he asked and turned around. It was Tarja.  
"This felt so wrong," she told him. "Being in there while you talked about Mari. Are you sure you didn't love her?"  
"It doesn't matter, she's dead," Tuomas mumbled.  
"No, she lives on in your heart," Tarja said, "and if you accept that you loved her -"  
"It will be easier?"  
"Not at first. But later it will be easier. And she will know then and go in peace."  
"You're kinda crazy," Tuomas said with a smile.  
"I'm religious," Tarja admitted and Tuomas huffed.   
"Atheist and science enthusiast."  
"That's fine," Tarja said. "I love science."  
Suddenly the school bell rang and Tarja winced. "Time for class, eh? I'm nervous."  
"Come, I'll lead you to your room," Tuomas offered. How often he had led Mari to that room. Made sure that she didn't just run off. Made sure that she had taken her antidepressants before she started teaching.  
Oh, Mari ...  
"Okay. Ready?"  
"No," Tarja said but it sounded casual.  
Tuomas opened the door for her and let her enter first, sneaking in after her. He needed to see what she meant ...  
And he immediately saw it.  
Not everyone but at least ten students jumped up and started to shout. At first Tuomas was confused, he had expected only boys to react like that, but there were also girls who shrieked around.  
With wide eyes he noticed that those ten or eleven students had one thing in common - metal music.  
First of all, he knew them.  
Then, all of them were dressed in black, leather, Slayer or Metallica shirts, tattooed or pierced in the weirdest places.  
And they shouted "Is that Tarja Turunen!?", "It's fucking Tarja!" and "Tarja from Nightwish!"  
Tarja smiled at Tuomas and Tuomas understood.  
She was a singer. Not only a vocal coach and hobby singer - She was a professional singer.  
Nightwish. That was her band. She was singing in a metal band.


	2. At the funeral

Tuomas stepped up on the podium, his hands shaking. He didn't care about talking in front of about fifty people but talking about Mari? He looked upon the first row, spotted some familiar faces there. Mari's half sister Riikka, who had travelled here from Scotland for the funeral. She was the only one left of this family now.  
Of course all their colleagues had come, Aino smiled at him both sadly and encouraging. He spotted everyone of his colleagues besides Hakan and he was glad about it. He wasn't sure if he could have kept calm while one of the reasons why Mari had killed herself was nearby.  
"Mari was," he started and took a deep breath before continuing, "Mari was amazing. There's no other word to describe her. Everyone knew she was fighting with depression but she really hated it and wanted to become healthy. She was funny, smart and shy. I loved the fact how she didn't like people ... and hated talking to them, but still every time we've been to a restaurant, she annoyed the waiter with her questions about their food, making sure that what she got was one hundred per cent vegan." Tuomas had to laugh. "First I was a bit suspicious about her and her diet, I admit that. But I started liking it very soon, such as everything about her. She wasn't annoying, how she thought about herself, she was cute. She was so funny ... I loved spending time with her. There haven't been many days were we haven't spent time together, only on days like Christmas or some Sundays, when she said she was busy writing. I even took her to my brother's wedding. About her writing ... She had written a book. It's a short story but I really enjoyed to read it ... Yes ... I'm sorry, I can't do this." Tuomas his head sink and sighed, "I miss her a lot. And so does Polli. She was a wonderful human being, a wonderful friend and I wish she has finally found her peace." He stepped away from the microphone, turned to the coffin and placed his hand on it. "I love you," he mumbled, tears streaming out of his eyes.  
And as he turned around to walk back to his bench, his eyes fell on one particular face in the last row.  
She wasn't sitting, she was one of the few who was standing in the back.  
Tarja.  
His heartbeat fastened - what was she doing here? She hadn't known Mari.  
Tarja must have noticed that Tuomas had seen her, she smiled at him gently.  
Tuomas nodded at her, he couldn't smile right now. He simply didn't feel like it. But he was surprised and glad about her appearance and wondered if she would come to the funeral feast too.

The rest of the funeral went by faster than expected, probably because Tuomas didn't listen to what the priest had to say. His mind had drifted away, to Mari. She had been an atheist too and Tuomas wondered where she was now. If she could really hear him. He wished he could speak to her and ask her.  
_Are you in heaven? Say, does this really exist then?_  
But twenty minutes later Mari was nowhere but in a coffin, in the earth, beneath her tombstone.  
Tuomas had placed a rose on if before he turned around and walked out of the church. He didn't want to watch them putting her away. He knew he wouldn't survive this. Silently he made a contract with himself to visit her grave every Sunday, as long as he would live in Kitee.   
"Tuomas!"  
Caught in his thoughts he walked to his car.  
"Tuomas, wait!"  
Finally he heard the voice calling him and turned around, smiling immediately.   
"Tarja ... hi."  
"Hi!" Tarja came to stand in front of him. "Where are you going?"  
"I need to smoke a cigarette before the funeral party," Tuomas sighed. Alone the name _funeral feast_ made him furious and he needed to calm himself first. "Want one?"  
"Oh, I don't smoke," Tarja replied. "Not good for the voice."  
"I can't sing anyway," Tuomas mumbled and opened his car to fish the small package out of it. "Why were you here? You didn't know Mari."  
"I was just trying to be nice," Tarja replied and watched her colleague light up his cigarette. "And ... Hakan asked me to."  
Tuomas coughed. "What!?"  
"Okay, not really. Well, first I asked him if he'd go to to funeral. I mean he was her boss! But he was acting really weird and stuttered that he had things to do. Anyway, I immediately sensed he just didn't want to. So I asked if I could go instead of him and he said he'd be happy if I could do that. Say, was Hakan in love with Mari?"  
"Are you crazy?" Tuomas laughed bitterly. "Hakan hated her. She was the only one who didn't jump up like a dog as soon as he whistled. She was the only one who dared to say her opinion and he hated her for that."  
"I have a sixth sense when it comes to feelings," Tarja said with a gentle smile. "And what I see in Hakan's eyes whenever we talk about about Mari isn't hate. He was fond of her and blames himself that she's gone."  
"He is to blame," Tuomas snorted. "But what do you mean with you have a sixth sense when it comes to feelings? Do you mean you ... can sense if someone likes you?" His heartbeat sped up. Great. Probably she already knew what he felt for her.  
"No, it's not that easy," Tarja laughed. "And actually it's not really a sense. It's just a good power in observation. Does his hands get sweaty or are they shaking? Does his way of talking change? Hakan speaks differently with you and me, he's nicer with me, first I thought because I'm new, and his behaviour changes when I mention Mari. Try it, really."  
"You mean ... He liked her but knew he couldn't have her ... and that's the reason he bullied her?" Tuomas took a drag from his cigarette. "Because of their age and ... because of me."  
"He must know that Mari liked you," Tarja said quietly. "He looks at you with a mixture between disgust and jealousy."  
"This is all so complicated." Tuomas, finally done with his cigarette, said and threw it away. "Why can't she still be here?"  
"I can't tell you why," Tarja said, "but one day it'll get easier." She placed her hand on his shoulder and Tuomas looked at her.  
"Who was it?"  
"My mum," Tarja whispered. "Breast cancer."  
"Shit ... I don't get why there's still no real cure for that."  
"She was fighting but eventually lost. But I believe that, same as Mari, they're in a happier place now."  
"Let me guess - heaven?" Tuomas grinned at her.  
"Doesn't have to be heaven," Tarja defended herself. "Can be Nirvana too. Or maybe they got born again as the future queen of England and future president of the USA. I don't know what you believe in."  
"Nothing," Tuomas reminded her. "Atheist."  
"Okay," Tarja sighed. "Got it. You're stubborn. May I join the funeral feast?"  
Tuomas' heart jumped. "Yeah, sure."  
"Great. But there's something else." Tarja looked at Tuomas with an apologising look. "I came here by bus ..."  
Tuomas laughed. "Tarja, do you want to take one of my car's empty seats?"  
"A seat would be nice," Tarja said, "but the luggage compartment would be okay too."  
"I fear that's not possible," Tuomas said. "The luggage compartment is already rented to a sweet girl called Polli."  
"What?" Tarja laughed and Tuomas pointed at a spot behind her.  
Tarja turned around and saw an old lady with a huge, white dog walking towards them.  
"You have a dog?" Tarja asked in surprise.  
"Not ... directly. She was Mari's."  
"Oh," Tarja made.  
Tuomas waved the old lady. "Polli!" he called and Tarja saw how the woman took the leash away from the dog, which started running into their direction.  
Tuomas got on his knees and opened his arms, welcoming the tall dog in his embrace, while he tried not to fall, since Polli had thrown herself on him. "My sweet girl," he whispered into the fluffy, white fur. "We've done it. We survived. And you know what? Mari is in heaven now."  
Tarja grinned as he said that. Her heart had jumped at the image of Tuomas and the dog, she loved men who were fond of animals.  
"And this is Tarja," Tuomas said to Polli and pointed at Tarja. "Wanna say hello?"  
"It's okay," Tarja quickly replied and Tuomas nodded.  
"Got it. You don't like dogs."  
"I do!" Tarja said. "Really, I love all animals but ... I'm a bit scared of dogs. Especially when there huge ..."  
"Especially the huge dogs are very calm," Tuomas answered and ruffled through Polli's fur. "But I understand you, you don't have to touch her. If you ignore her, she will understand it and leave you alone."  
"That's not what I wanted to say," Tarja sighed. "A dog bit me when I was a child. I almost lost my arm. And thus, my left arm is still disabled. That's why I'm not a pianist."  
"Wow." Tuomas looked at her. "How... disabled?"  
"I can't move it fast, only very slowly," Tarja said. "My whole life I was exempt from sports, as long as we did sports where I needed both arms like volleyball or gymnastics."  
"Polli won't bite anything of you off, only if you bathe in dog food," Tuomas joked.  
Tarja shook her head. "I won't. Shall we go now?"  
"Definitely," Tuomas said and opened the door of the passenger's seat ... Mari's seat. "Milady," he said and Tarja laughed as she entered the car.  
Tuomas shut the door and knelt down again, whispering into Polli's ear:  
"She's beautiful, isn't she? I like her a lot, so please don't do something you'll regret."  
Polli woofed in agreement and Tuomas opened the luggage room. "Hop in, girl."

Tarja and Tuomas sat next to each other during the feast.  
Others, who had known about Mari's unrequited feelings for Tuomas, of course thought that this gorgeous woman was the reason why Mari's feelings had been unrequited.  
Mari's half sister Riikka came over at some point, introducing herself to Tarja. And as soon as she caught Tuomas alone, she took him aside.  
"Congratulations," she said, sounding a little displeased. "She's beautiful."  
"Tarja?" Tuomas asked. "She's not -"  
"Your girlfriend. I see that. But you love her."  
"Riikka, I've only known -"  
But Riikka didn't give Tuomas time to explain. "Why didn't you tell Mari the reason you couldn't be with her? She called me quite often, you know? One of the reasons she was depressed was her unreturned love for you. She said she had no idea what she was doing wrong, that she tried everything to make you notice her ... but nothing helped."  
Tuomas let his head sink. All these times they had met for dinner or cinema and Mari had worn lipstick ... or a deeper cut out than usual. He felt bad for noticing but not caring about it.  
"I did notice her," she said quietly. "But she simply wasn't the right one."  
"And Tarja is?" Riikka asked carefully, making Tuomas shrug.  
"She might be. Fact is, she's there for me in those hard times. Believe me, I loved Mari. I really did."  
Riikka smiled sadly. "I loved her too. She only deserved love."

"Can I drive you home?" Tuomas asked Tarja a while later. He had noticed that Tarja was getting uneasy but probably didn't want to ask something like that of him. He must have been right, since as he asked, she smiled at him.  
"Gladly. Thanks for offering."  
So they packed their things, said goodbye to those who were left, Tuomas took Polli by her leash and together they left.  
"Where do you live?" Tuomas asked as they entered the car.  
"Quite outside of Kitee," Tarja said. "You know Puhos?"  
"Sure."  
"That's where I grew up. But now I live outside of Puhos."  
"Oh, wow. But there's nothing else than lakes."  
"And a house, which is mine," Tarja said. "Just stay on the street, I'll tell you when to turn left."  
"Okay," Tuomas said and switched on the radio.  
Tarja had thought he would listen to metal, like her. He had long, dark hair and his clothing style was dark too. Well, of course it was today. But also the day before he had worn a black shirt and black, ripped jeans. Maybe that was just his style? His music didn't fit with him at all, it was calm mood music, almost like the songs a normal person would listen to. Tarja hadn't thought of Tuomas as normal.  
"That's nice," she said after a while. "I like the music."  
"Yes? Mike Oldfield. He was Mari's favourite singer and I couldn't play anything else in the car. But that was fine."  
"I knew I recognised the music," Tarja said. "May I turn it louder?"  
"Sure. I thought you were a rock lady?"  
"I am," Tarja laughed. "I'm a music lover in general. Do you ... listen to rock?"  
"Just a few things," Tuomas replied. "Metallica, Guns N' Roses, Aerosmith ..."  
"Old school," Tarja said. "Okay, I already wondered why you didn't know Nightwish, especially because we are a band from Kitee."  
"The whole band is from Kitee?" Tuomas asked surprised.   
"Yes, all of us except the bassist, who's from Kuopio. And our manager is from Argentina but the manager before him was Finnish as well, from Helsinki." Tarja shrugged. "The rest is all from Kitee, even our record label."  
"Crazy. I know nothing about this town," Tuomas laughed. "Mari and I were quite the outsiders, we never showed up to village feasts."  
"Me neither, I hated them," Tarja laughed. "Oh - turn left here."  
Tuomas turned left.  
"So ... you're the singer of Nightwish."  
"And songwriter," Tarja added.   
"Okay. So what do you do, growl?"  
"What? No, I'm a classical singer!" Tarja had to laugh about the imagination of herself growling.  
"I can't imagine music like that," Tuomas admitted. "Is it like ... opera combined with metal?"  
"You could say so," Tarja said. "You should check out our music as soon as you can. And over there's my house."  
Tuomas' mouth fell open.  
"House?? That's a fucking palace!"  
Tarja laughed again. "Not really. Call it a mansion."  
"You're rich," Tuomas said.  
"Wealthy," Tarja corrected. "Our manager also manages my finances, he's really good with that. Speaking of the devil -" Tarja pulled out her phone and stared on it for a few seconds, before she pressed the "ignore" button. "He can call later."  
"I live in a small flat," Tuomas said, sounding a bit unsure. "A flat that's way too tiny for two people, while you could rent your house for two families."  
"Bullshit," Tarja snorted. "I think I need to show you around my house - want to come inside? Polli can come in too, of course."  
Tuomas smiled at her widely. "Sure." That was what he had wanted to hear.


	3. The mansion

"The ground floor is for the band," Tarja explained. "Over there we rehearse and in the room next to it we have our records and awards and everything. I live upstairs, so I only have a flat too, if you could say so."  
"Yes, a big one," Tuomas commented.  
"Oh, stop it," Tarja laughed. "Our manager's office is down here too. And -" Tarja was interrupted by her phone, which was ringing again. She looked at the display and sighed. "That bastard hears it when I talk of him," she mumbled and decided to pick up. "Yes?" She sounded really annoyed.  
For a while she listened to her manager, whom she obviously didn't like a lot, then said, in almost flawless Spanish, "No puedes llamarme más tarde?"  
Tuomas was surprised. She spoke Spanish?? While he stared at her with his mouth wide open, she seemed to listen to her manager quite angrily.  
"Si, lo se, pero estoy ocupada ahora," she said and looked at the clock, rolled her eyes and then grinned at Tuomas bitterly. "Eso no te incumbe!" she suddenly hissed and listened to her manager again.  
"Está bien," she said, finally sounding calmer. "Nos vemos mañana."  
And then she hung up.  
"Your manager?" Tuomas asked.  
"Yes. My annoying manager. He calls me every evening, wants to know what I'm doing and everything ... I said it's none of his business."  
"You speak Spanish," Tuomas commented.  
"And German, English, Russian and Swedish. I'm currently learning French," Tarja shrugged. "Not a big deal."  
"Oh yes," Tuomas laughed. "I'm glad I'm able to speak English good enough for teaching it to kids ... and that's it."  
"Hm, I've studied in Germany for a few years, then lived in Argentina for a few years, ..."  
"What?" Tuomas called. "Why?"  
"Long story," Tarja said. "But I'm back now."  
"May I ask you ... how old are you?" Tuomas asked. She must have been over thirty already, in his opinion, she had come quite around.  
"Twenty-seven," Tarja said though, to his surprise. "And you?"  
"Thirty-four," Tuomas replied. "Living in a small flat with a big dog, almost earning no money with my job as a teacher and I don't even know how to speak Swedish."  
"I never really needed it so far," Tarja shrugged it off.  
"That's not what I meant." Tuomas grimaced. "You've come so far in your young years and I'm just here ... I've never done anything important."  
"Don't say that," Tarja said and took a step towards him. "You teach socially disabled kids, don't think that's not important."  
She surprised him again as she took his hand. "I was just lucky. We started this band when I was nineteen, don't think it wasn't hard for me. Studying, having a band and a boyfriend ..."  
"Maybe it wasn't easy," Tuomas said, "but now you're here ..."  
He had noticed how Tarja came closer to him, her face nearing his.  
"And? I am not happy with how everything has turned out if you want to say that. I've gone through some very hard times and now ... it's not easy not either."  
"It's not?" Tuomas whispered. His hands were shaking and he wondered if Tarja noticed it. She had taken his hand after all.  
"Not really. I got a lot of stress and no private life anymore. That's why I went to Argentina and stayed there, until I was assaulted. Now I live in steady panic ..."  
Tuomas backed away. "You were assaulted?"  
"In Buenos Aires," Tarja said and suddenly everything was back to normal. No strange attraction anymore. "I was walking home as a few guys placed themselves in my way. They wanted my money and I gave them all I had with me, but they had sensed that I had more. They started hitting me and I couldn't hit back because of my disabled arm. Thank God a man saw it and called the police. Then I moved back to Finland."  
"Oh my ..." Tuomas whispered. "When was that?"  
"About two years ago," Tarja sighed. "It was really traumatic. I swore never to go back to Argentina, not even for a concert."  
"Didn't you say your manager was from Argentina?" Tuomas asked carefully.  
"Yes, he is. Of course he wasn't happy as I said that but he has to obey me. I'm his boss, even if he acts as he was the boss." Tarja sighed again. "I was at the hospital for two weeks. My left eye was as big as my hand, almost. And blue ... Marcelo took pictures to send it to my insurance, wanna see them?"  
"Uhm, sure," Tuomas said, not really sure what he should say. He didn't want to see the pictures but he also didn't want to offend her. He followed Tarja to the stairway.  
"In times like this I'm almost glad that Marcelo handles my money," Tarja went on while they went upstairs. "He was cold as ice, just standing there, taking pictures of my face. Most of the insurance money was used to pay off this mansion."  
"Marcelo ... your manager?" Tuomas guessed.  
"Yeah, my manager," Tarja just said. "Okay, that's my bedroom, over there we have my bathroom, next to it there's my living room and here's my office. Come in."  
Tuomas stepped into her office and immediately saw that this was the office of an artist.  
Loads of books, drawing utensils, a laptop, dozens of started song texts all over the floor ...  
"It looks a bit chaotic. Sorry," Tarja apologised and went to her desk, opening the upper drawer. "It should be somewhere here ..."  
Tuomas looked around and spotted a big Nightwish poster. She was in the front, as the lead singer, behind her were her band members. While the guys looked like cool and badass hard rockers, Tarja looked like a rough diamond. Like a shy, careful and very young girl. Was that her image?  
"You look great," he said. "On that poster." Great was definitely an understatement but he didn't dare to say "stunning".  
"Thanks," Tarja said cheerfully. "I think I look very different. So helpless. Maybe that was why I got assaulted. Wanna see the pictures?"  
Tuomas turned around and caught her very close to him again. Her front side must have almost touched his back.  
He took the pictures and his breath got stuck - her face was bruised, she had bleeding cuts on her cheeks and her eye was swollen and purple indeed.  
Her arms and legs were full with dark bruises as well.  
"Why are you showing this to me?" he asked, feeling very uncomfortable.  
"Didn't you want to know why I moved away from Argentina?" Tarja asked and put the pictures back into the drawer.  
"No, I wanted to know why you moved there in the first place," Tuomas said with a gentle smile.  
"Oh," Tarja said and blushed. "Uhm ... well. That's a really long story, okay? Sorry I showed you the pictures."  
"It's fine," Tuomas said. "It's nice that you trust me."  
"I do," Tarja said while avoiding his eyes all the time now. "Do you want a cup of coffee? Or tea? Or do you want some beer?"  
Tuomas immediately sensed that Tarja was alone against her will a lot. She wouldn't try to make him stay that desperately if she enjoyed to be alone.  
"I'd like some tea," Tuomas said and Tarja smiled at him. "Okay ... you can go to the living room already. The kitchen is downstairs, so ... feel like home. What kind of tea do you like?"  
"Black, if you have," Tuomas said and Tarja nodded.  
"Sure. As I said, feel like home. Take my books or CDs, look at everything you like. I'll be back soon."  
She rushed down and Tuomas shook his head. What was up with her all of a sudden? Weird. Was it only the loneliness or something else?  
He did as she had said and looked around in her living room, which was stuffed with CDs and DVDs. A huge flat screen in the double size of Tuomas' TV hung on the wall. He sat down on the couch, it was white leather but not uncomfortable like he imagined leather couches to be. He looked around. So many books in her office and CDs and DVDs in her living room. She was lonely. That was it.  
His suspicion got conformed as Tarja walked into the living room. She had gotten rid of her blazer and was now in her black dress only. In each hand she carried a black mug.  
"I gave Polli some water," she said. "The tea is still hot ... do you want to give your jacket to me?"  
"It's okay," Tuomas said.  
"No, really." Tarja locked her eyes with his. "You can give it to me."  
The hint in her words was impossible to ignore. Tuomas looked at her with big eyes, wondering about how she had meant it.  
Slowly he unbuttoned his blazer and pulled it off. He was still wearing a white shirt beneath it but he could see how Tarja eyed him. How she looked at his body.  
With need. Hunger. Longing.  
Wow.  
"Tarja," he said quietly. "I don't think this is a good idea."  
"Why not?" Tarja said. "I do this all the time."  
"Okay." Tuomas felt very uncomfortable. "But I don't."  
"You don't? But you're a good looking man and you could seriously have any woman you want ..." Tarja smiled at him and knelt down. "Including me."  
"Hm, yes," Tuomas said. "But I don't want any woman, I just want one."  
Tarja's smile vanished. "Mari?" she said quietly.  
"No," Tuomas said and decided to lie. "I don't know her yet."  
"Oh," Tarja whispered. "You mean ... Oh, Tuomas. I hate to say that, but true love doesn't exist."  
"You may think so, but I don't," Tuomas said. "Besides that, I could never sleep with someone I barely know."  
"Oh. Ouch. How embarrassing." Tarja stood up again. "Damn me. I thought there was something between us."  
"I dare to say that there is," Tuomas replied. "But it's not enough for me to stay the night."  
Tarja smiled. "I see. I'm sorry that I threw myself on you."  
"You ... didn't?" Tuomas laughed. "You simply suggested that we could do more than just talk."  
"Talking is fine, though," Tarja said and sat down next to him. "Tell me about you. Full name. Hobbies."  
"Phew. Okay." Tuomas looked at her. "Tuomas Lauri Johannes Holopainen, born on December 25th 1976. My hobbies are playing the piano, reading and actually I also really enjoy writing. I've never tried to write songs, though, if you don't count piano songs as song writing. I love animals, especially dogs. I enjoy listening to music, but I'm not really into it in a deeper sense like you. I know the difference between pop and rock and that's it. Hmm, I love nature. I wanted to study biology when I was a teen, but somehow I got stuck and now I'm teaching Biology and English instead. I have two older siblings who both are doctors, so I really feel like an inferiority."  
"Oh, you aren't," Tarja said.  
"I know." He sighed. "What else ... I had only one friend and she took her own life."  
"What about your colleagues?" Tarja asked.  
"They're not friends," Tuomas laughed bitterly. "Mari and I only had ourselves ..."  
"Can I -," Tarja started but quickly collected herself. "Forget it."  
"Ask," Tuomas said. "You can ask anything."  
"Did you and Mari ever ... sleep with each other?"  
"I didn't have a girlfriend nor a single date in the last five years," Tuomas said. "So, what do you think?"  
Tarja bit her lip. "I think you two were friends with benefits."  
"You really have a good power of observation," Tuomas sighed. "We were."  
"And no one knew about it?" Tarja asked.  
Tuomas shook his head. "They would stone me if they knew. Everyone knew what she felt for me, even myself. If they knew that I had used those feelings ... even though she was the one who had suggested it in the first place! Now I think she had already felt for me years ago and only suggested it because of that."  
"That would be possible," Tarja said. "I'm sorry. You must feel horrible now."  
"I feel like I was the reason for her death," Tuomas mumbled. "I know it's not true but ..."  
"I think you were the only thing that made her happy," Tarja disagreed. "Literally. But, you know what else I think?"  
"What?" Tuomas asked.  
"You two. I think you had a relationship - no, let me speak." Tarja raised her finger. "You slept with her. How often?"  
"Every now and then. Sometimes once a week, sometimes more than that ... when she had her depressed phases again I had to make her feel better so ... in those times every day."  
"Hm. And you said you didn't have dates with other women?"  
"No, only her," Tuomas said.  
"Mhm. Did she have dates with other men? I guess she didn't?"  
Slowly Tuomas realised what she meant. "She didn't ..."  
"But you two had dates woth each other. You went on long walks, you went out for dinner you went to the cinema together, you held hands. Am I right?"  
"Oh my God," Tuomas whispered. "Yes, you're right."  
"She knew your parents. You know her sister ... half-sister. You said you took her to your brother's wedding."  
"Yes," Tuomas mumbled. "But we've never talked about a relationship."  
"Maybe because it was clear for her. She thought you were together, while you thought you weren't."  
"She never told me that she loved me," Tuomas said and Tarja raised her brow.  
"Really?"  
Tuomas thought about it. Maybe a few times. Maybe even a few days before she had committed suicide ... they had had a phone call in the evening. He tried to remember her words before they had hung up.  
_Okay, see you tomorrow, Tuo. Good night, love __you__._  
"Damn it, she did," he sighed.  
"Poor girl," Tarja said quietly. "Oh, poor girl ..."  
Without a word Tuomas reached into the back pocket of his pants and pulled out his wallet. He opened it and fished out a picture of Mari. "That's her," he said and stroke over her face.  
Tarja took the small picture and saw a nice looking, very pretty woman. She was blonde, had bright blue eyes and a beautiful smile.   
"Sometimes I see people and don't understand how they have depressions," she said. "Mari looked so ... normal. And happy."  
"Facade," Tuomas mumbled. "I can't believe I never realised we had a relationship ..."  
"You're a man, that's why," Tarja said with a little laugh. "Okay, I think you really need your black tea now. This is going to be a long night."


	4. The train

His sadness had vanished.  
Almost.  
Every day he walked into the teacher's room and saw her face, he felt better. She never had a bad day. She was always smiling.  
Quickly Tarja had found friends among the teachers and even students. Being the singer of a metal band helped her a lot with that, but mainly it was her loose behaviour and sweet smile that made the students treat her like she was one of them. Tuomas was sure about that. One day he had knocked at her door, he wanted to ask her if he could have some of her crayon (in reality he only wanted to see her teaching) and she was sitting on the teacher's desk in a tailor seat, her shoes stripped off, a blindfold over her eyes.  
"Come in Tuomas," she had called and Tuomas had stopped dead in tracks. What was happening here?  
"Go on," Tarja had said and waved into the class, where Laura was standing in the middle of a student circle. "You're doing great. Pretend as if Tuomas wasn't here."  
And then Laura had sung a song, Tuomas hadn't known it, but it had sounded nice. And as Laura had ended, Tarja had screamed:  
"I want you in my team!"  
Then she had taken off the blindfold and told Tuomas that they were playing _The Voice of Finland._  
Everyone who wanted to sing could sing to her and Tarja would decide if they would have made it into a team or not.  
And Tarja was honest.  
Tuomas really saw why they liked her, even though it still hurt him that they had bullied Mari that much, only because she had been a strict teacher.

Tuomas asked her out a lot, but Tarja mostly didn't have time.  
"I'm with the guys. Rehearsal."  
"Sorry, my manager is here. He's annoying me with a new contract."  
"I'm currently writing a song ... sorry but I'm totally occupied with it."  
And again, "The band is here. You would only fall asleep of boredom."  
It seemed that she never had time for him, only for lunch every now and then. They met a few times, right after school, at a little café close to their school.  
There they had lunch and coffee, talked about school and Tarja's band.  
Tuomas had already listened to Nightwish and fallen in love with their slow songs. He first needed to get used to the harder ones but he had already secretly bought a CD, which he listened to every evening.  
He loved her voice very much and tried to imagine it alongside his piano playing. Singing his songs. Of course his songs didn't have a text but in his mind her voice together with his piano sounded great.  
He hadn't dared to ask her to try it yet.  
Even though he could call her a friend by now, she was still very unattainable.  
But then something happened.

Everything started in their last week of school.  
Hakan had organised something for the best students of the whole school. It was a trip to Tallinn, by ferry of course. They would go to Helsinki by night train and then get on a ferry in the middle of the night. They'd arrive in the morning, spend the day in Tallinn and then get back to Helsinki by boat. Of course trips like this usually meant getting smashed for people, that was why he wanted send Tuomas with them - his most responsible teacher.  
Of course he needed help.  
Someone cool, someone the students liked, like Aino. But Aino was too old, every year she had complained that she had wanted to sleep while the loud, partying kids had kept her awake.  
So he asked Tarja if she wanted to join.  
"Just for two nights," he had said. "And I only chose six students so it's a really small group. You won't have to pay anything and Tuomas is going too."  
Tarja said yes.  
And as Tuomas heard who was coming with them, his heart jumped excitedly.  
He always accompanied these groups but usually Aino had been going with them.  
"Thank God I'm not going this year," Aino laughed as Tuomas had told her. And then she had winked at Tuomas. "You and Tarja alone on a trip, huh?"  
"We're not alone there," Tuomas stuttered. But Aino was right. He had thought about it too and they'd definitely be alone for a few hours. Their first night, when they would get on the ferry to Tallinn, if they left their cabins ...  
Tuomas had thought about Tarja and Mari a lot. Why he had been able to get intimate with Mari, even though he had considered her his best friend, and why he hadn't been able to sleep with Tarja, only because he hadnt known her for a long time.  
But now he knew what he thought about Tarja:  
He wanted her.  
Not for one night, he wanted her forever.  
He was sure he was in love with her and slowly he thought that he should tell her.  
But everything turned out completely different than expected ...

The trip started as planned.  
They went to the train in the evening with their six students, Sanni, Seliina, Heikki, Jenni, Juha and Eeva, and quickly found their compartments.  
Each the girls and the guys had their own one, so Tuomas decided to take the bed in the lowest row, while Heikki and Juha took the two beds in the upper row. Tuomas tried to sleep, really, but the guys kept him awake. And since the train didn't drive for a long time, he decided to stay awake.  
He went out of the compartment and sat down in front of the window, rating into the light sky.  
He didn't hear Tarja approach.  
"Hey," she said softly and sat down next to him. "Can't sleep?"  
"No. Juha and Heikki are telling each other with how many women they have slept already."  
"Sounds like fun," Tarja commented dryly. "Did you join the game?"  
Tuomas grinned. "If they've only slept with half of the amount of women they're saying, they still won."  
"What? They're like sixteen!"  
"They're both eighteen," Tuomas said, "and ... I've only had two girlfriends so far -"  
"And that's bad?" Tarja asked. "I've also only had two boyfriends so far."  
"I'm sure you had one night stands though," Tuomas said and shrugged. "I have never had one before ... my demisexuality, you know."  
"I knew there was a word for it!" Tarja said and grinned. "I see you googled."  
Tuomas laughed. "I did."  
"Hm," Tarja made, "if you ever feel like having some fun ... I'm here."  
"Tarja," Tuomas said gently. "You know I'm looking for the one."  
"She doesn't exist," Tarja persisted. "It's just a myth."  
"You may think so," Tuomas went on, "but listen to this: my older brother Petri dated women from the age of seventeen to thirty-five. He had dated so many women and every time he thought that he was in love but never thought that one of them could be the one. But then she came into his life - when he was thirty-five. Fact is, she's thirteen years younger than him."  
"Wow," Tarja made. "If I remember your brother's age right, she must be around your age?"  
Tuomas grinned. "She's a year younger than me. But he told me that she was the one only two months after they came together. And when you meet them, you can see immediately that they are made for each other. They love the other one so much, never let go of each other's hands, they exchange loving looks all the time ... still after eleven years, marriage and two children. They are soulmates."  
"One day they'll divorce," Tarja said. "I'm sorry but it's a fact. Either that or they'll just stop talking to each other in a high age."  
"You're not really romantic," Tuomas chuckled and Tarja looked out of the window.  
He could see that tears were glistening in her eyes.  
"I was once," she said quietly. "He hurt me."  
"Oh no," Tuomas said quietly. "What did he do? Did he ... cheat on you?"  
Tarja shook her head. "No, Tuomas. He ... hurt me. Literally."  
"He hit you?" Tuomas asked, immediately thinking of the pictures that Tarja had showed him. "Wait. Those pictures -"  
"We're fake," she whispered. "I wasn't assaulted. Not by strangers, I mean ..."  
"Oh my God," Tuomas said. He was shocked. "Then - those pictures your manager took of you ... for the insurance ..."  
"I just pretended that I was hit by robbers," Tarja said. "I was so ashamed of myself ..."  
"Why ashamed?" Tuomas gasped. "Then you left Argentina because of your boyfriend ... He was from Argentina?"  
"He is from Argentina. But he's not my boyfriend anymore." Tarja smiled lightly and Tuomas shook his head again.  
"I hope you left him as soon as he hit you ..."  
Tarja didn't answer.  
Tuomas sighed. "How often ... Tarja, how often did he hit you?"  
"A lot," Tarja just said and then she was quiet.  
Tuomas was speechless. This woman had gone through hell - a dog had almost bitten her arm of, making her think of herself as a cripple, she had moved to Argentina for a violent man, had fought her way up to the top anyway. And she still was a happy and joyful woman.   
"I haven't told anyone before," Tarja whispered. "Don't tell a soul, not my band mates, no one. I don't want anyone to know."  
Tuomas didn't answer.  
He just turned to her and placed his hand under her chin. Gently he made her look at him and smiled at her.  
Her green eyes were full with tears.  
Then he closed the gap between them, making their lips meet in a gentle and loving kiss.

Tarja regretted that they were on the train. They simply had no privacy here, besides on the toilet. And the toilet was gross.  
She looked up to Tuomas, who held her in his arms. They had kissed for felt minutes, until she had heard one of the girls of their group shriek, "Oh my gosh! Look at them, girls, they're kissing! I knew there was something between them!"  
They had moved away from the compartments then, leaned against the door that divided the train cabins, and continued kissing. After a while the shaking of the train was too uncomfortable for them though. They stopped kissing, decided to get a cabin on the ferry together, and then they just enjoyed being with each other.

Tuomas looked at her backside, not believing his luck.  
They were going on the ferry, at half past three in the morning. In about four hours they would be there, so four more hours of sleep. More or less ... Tuomas hoped less.  
Originally he had booked two cabins again, one for the girls and one for the boys, but due to the new circumstances he immediately asked a guy of the staff if there were some free rooms left.  
And of course there were. No one went to Tallinn in the middle of the night.  
And there, in the cabin of the ferry to Tallinn, something happened.


End file.
